:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
