I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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