I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
