if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
