White coat. Heels.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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