You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
