you will always have a special place in my vag
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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