They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
