Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
