I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
