dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
