All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
