you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
