I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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