Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
