He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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