Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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