is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So apparently I’m into choking now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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