it was like his penis was on wheels.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You took a bar mat shot.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
