Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think people are normalizing furries
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
