Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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