You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
