ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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