Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
