Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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