Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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