Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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