does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
