'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
