It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
