Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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