I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
