You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
