SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
