Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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