She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
