please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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