According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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