Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
