So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
