he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
