her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
