proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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