Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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