OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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