my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
