Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
