Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
