how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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