she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
